#037 - Parenting Kids With Aggression, Simple Tools For Everyday Struggles - Tosha Schore
It’s one thing for a little kid to be acting out. It’s another thing for a 40 year old woman to be acting out. A flipped out a kid and a calm parent is a good scenario, a flipped out kid and a flipped out parent is a much worse scenario
In this week’s podcast episode, I had the absolute pleasure to interview parenting expert and author of the book Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everday Parenting Challenges. Tosha is also the creator of the course Out With Aggression (OWA), which has revolutionized the way I parent my boys. I discovered Tosha recently after facing my challenges as a parent to two boys (6 and 3 years old). My six year old and I thought had a great relationship until he turned about three, and his brother was born. Slowly, I began to see our relationship alter to the point where he was constantly hitting me, kicking me, spitting on me until the point where I would have to walk out of the house and just leave. I was feeling helpless and lost. My boy was never spanked or beaten and had no real early trauma that many kids have experienced. I had read all the popular parenting books by Dan Siegel and Janet Landsbury, but still I was running into roadblocks with my child. I even went to a child therapist looking for solutions. Like most parents, I was thinking, “My kid is going to end up in jail one day, he has no respect for me nor does he understand the consequences of his actions.” This is one of the worst things a parent can think or feel and I’ve come to learn that many other parents are suffering from these same thoughts.
Fear = Aggression
My wife stumbled upon one of Tosha’s webinars, and what struck me most about Tosha was that she had three boys and told numerous stories where I could completely relate. I was like , “Yes, yes, yes that happens to me too…” The most uplifting thing to hear was that Tosha has successfully raised these young boys into young men. Their aggression subsided, and they turned into thoughtful, thriving young men. I embarked on Tosha’s six-week online course where she also offers group coaching and a Facebook group where you can interact with her and other parents. Over the six weeks, I can say my relationship with my boys has completely shifted and I am finally seeing positive momentum moving in the right direction. This course was a life-saver. You have no idea. I’m a life coach, and a health coach, and someone who constantly reads parenting books and books on how to become better as a person, and my family life was suffering. This is one of the most soul-crushing and stressful times a parent can face because we are all doing our best to raise thoughtful, respectful, loving and kind human beings. I am super grateful for Tosha and her amazing course, that I decided I had to get her on the podcast to share some of her insights on parenting with the world. If you’re a parent who’s dealing with aggressive behavior or just dealing with issues that can be somewhat difficult or feeling stuck, this is the episode for you!
Make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Spotify or YouTube. Please like, share, or even leave me a comment on what you learned.
Timeline
10:50 - What are most parents getting wrong when it comes to parenting
14:50 - Should physical force and consequences be used to discipline kids?
21:50 - Fear = Aggression
23:20 - What do you do after you’ve set limits with your child and they flat out disrespect and tell you they are not going to comply?
29:10 - Why infusing connection is the answer even if it doesn’t feel right
32:50 - Why using humor to battle aggression is so effective
41:30 - You let your kid call you a “retarded pussy” and you let him get away with it - why?
48:30 - How do parents stop their own triggers (especially when you have no patience)?
Resources & Other Links
Join Tosha’s course Out With Aggression (OWA)
Tosha’s book - Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everday Parenting Challenges.
Tosha’s website -sign up on the email list so you don’t miss the next Out With Aggression Course
Renee Jain - GoZen (Resources for parenting especially kids with anxiety)
Recommended Books